Jun 12 2011
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5 months??
holy shit its been 5 months since ive been on here :/ yeesh where did the time go?
well a lot has changed
-single
-new job
-graduated uei college
-moved back home
-got a haircut haha
-made a bunch of new friends
-oh yeah and discovered a lot about people and theyre lack of morals and respect
-and also dealing with custody of my son
fan.flippin.tastic right?
we have a lott to catch up on
Jan 02 2011
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tumblr
dear tumblr,
ive missed you! don’t ever do that again. who else can i vent to about life if you aren’t here. im glad youre back, i have so much to tell you
:)
Dec 19 2010
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my birthday.
today is my birthday
na na na na na na na
gonna have a good time
na na na na na na naaa
happy birthday to meeeee!
lol im so obnoxious!!! :D
Dec 05 2010
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nothing.
nothing, nothing NO SINGLE THING i do is good enough for anyone else!!! this is not for anyone in particular but rather THE WORLD! well forget it. ill just go on trying to please and please and getting nothing in return. im so so so fed up. so tired. so drained. give me a break! let me breathe. let me speak. let me think. let me rant. let me rave. let me laugh. let me have the satisfaction of knowing i worked hard and it was APPRECIATED. theres a saying “you cant please everyone, so please yourself”.i believe in that no doubt i do. but when i try my hardest for EVERYONE and NO ONE is happy then how am i supposed to be happy!!?? i am happy when those around my are happy so how will i ever find happiness in this world then?
i am, drained.
Nov 23 2010
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Nov 11 2010
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so this is my baby boy adrian pouring froot loops in his cousins room. i love him but good lord can i ever get a break from cleaning!!!
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He’s not really what you think dear. He’s collected so many hearts over the past years. He plants these sweet words amongst your ears, ‘cause he knows exactly what you like to hear. His heart was corrupted & so he’s just scared, he slowly learned how not to care. And so you see here, I’m sorry to tell you but the downfall to your heart is quite near.
(Source: dreamongood, via sochaud)
Nov 06 2010
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adrian.
so adrian is with his dad today.. i think im picking him up around 4.. which isnt bad. but i only get him early because im taking him to my gramas birthday dinner..
ugh. why is this so hard?? i always told myself id never be all paranoid and a worry-wart like my mom but maybe its in my genes!! im just think what-if this or what-if that. like what if he drowns in the toilet or what if no ones paying attention and he sticks his finger in the outlet or drinks a bottle of bleach or whatever!!! i hate this feeling im like so helpless because hes not here :( i cant protect him..
its just one of the things you have to deal with being a mom.. so many emotions are involved. and yeah theres times when everythings good and youre happy. but the bottom line is your heart is not in your chest anymore. its walking around in a diaper.. and that one little being holds your life in the palm of his hands and he doesnt even know it..
im so sad i came home and i had completely forgotten he wasnt here, so i opened my bedroom door slowly so i wouldnt wake him up. and then my heart sank when i saw his crib was empty.. so right now im in my room. im pretending hes sleeping in his crib. i put a blanket over the side so i cant see in.. and im just going on as if hes takinbg a nap.. its sad, pathetic even. but its getting me through this..
i know its only like 6 hours. but thats six hours that my heart is ripped out of my chest andim helpless to do anything to protect him.. hes been with me since birth. everyday hes been with me, except for the few hours i have had school and work. and those were times when i HAD to leave him. i HAD to go make money, i HAD to go get an education.. but this doesnt feel like i HAVE to. i shouldnt have to. i shouldnt have to give up any time with him. ir raised him. i taught him, i loved him, i helped him grow. why should anyonje else get a second of time with him..
ugh this SUCKS.. never have kids. until you find the right one and youre married and everythings great.. :*(
Nov 05 2010
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firefighter.
if my son brings me his fireman hat and makes me put it on and sing “im a firefighter” over and over again im gonna lose it. he just did it like 10 times in a row. even though i have a SPLITTING headache that kills me when i move i still did the little song and shook my head because when i do the BIGGEST smile creeps across his face. and he starts dancing and clapping and all that.. and well, thats worth it to see him enjoy it. but seriously i think i might puke if i have to do it one more time!!! blehhhh :(
